suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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