Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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