My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
