Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize