i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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