is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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