Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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