Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I touched a dick in church today
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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