No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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