Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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