my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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