Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
