So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
