Whats the glycemic index on semen?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you had me at cake vodka
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
did i just pee glitter
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
