I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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