I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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