I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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