I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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