Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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