pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
