I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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