i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
