Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
