Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
