I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
