My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
