I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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