dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
