He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
