Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
