can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
