Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
