I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
