I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
