His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
