i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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