i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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