end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
