Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
