Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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