Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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