Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
