What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
