I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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