Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
