The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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