What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
