operation harelip BJ is a go
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
