I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
