I'm going to jail i love you
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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