Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
